lundi, mars 15, 2004 I didn't realise that the song that Julian posted on his blog a long, long time ago was the same song that's been spinning in my mind for the last couple of days. The song's sentiment has been resonating for a while within me, and to hear it spun out beautifully in a song... it just feels like a picture being sung.A lot of incidents contribute to this post. [My going to Vietnam and seeing the UNDP headquarters for Hanoi.] [The constant wondering about my job, and what I want to do.] [A very close friend taking the very difficult decision of leaving her job of 2 years, and going to Hillsongs College in Australia to train to be a music pastor.] [Meeting David, Leon and Amanda yesterday night, and David telling me about the availability of scholarships to the UK for International Studies.] [My mom overhearing a conversation today at the petrol kiosk: gf: "Eh, wait, I want to buy this magazine." bf: (exasperated) "Buy for what? Waste money only." gf: (whiny) "Haiyah, I bored mah." ... and after she related it to me: me: "That's what happens when people don't have anything to do." mom: "Not like you, huh? You need more than one life, the way you're going."] [TalkingCock.com's Modest Proposal on how to boost Singapore's birthrate, and it's actual feasibility.] [Today's Sunday Times' Tan Tarn How article on how, due to modern medical technology, we get a 100% boost in our life expectancy, living up to 90 years old, when the average a couple of centuries back was 40 years old.] One of those other things is the constant question: why am even bothering to work so hard, to do what I don't really have to do? I don't have to pick up another book and cram facts into my head, and be tested on them. I don't really have to work out there in the world helping people. I don't have to agonise so much over my job, and money, so long that it's enough to pay the bills, who cares? [Beckett's old chestnut about dying the day we are born.] Every time I get to feeling this way, God just seems to know what to say. I was reading my daily devotional material one morning, just mulling over this problem, and the lesson for the day was to constantly challenge yourself, because that allows us to grow in faith in God. It stated that it is human tendency to zero in on the nearest comfort zone, and park ourselves there forever, where we are secure, and can handle all problems. But when we can handle our own problems, then there is little space for God to work in our lives. Miracles need space to happen, God needs a little bit of our virtual desktop space to move - which is why we should always 更上一层楼. It's a scary step up, but it's either that, or stagnation. Even if you're not a Christian, the principle still applies - growth (be it personal or spiritual), or stagnation. [Carpe Diem, Seize the Day, courtesy of Dead Poet's Society] [A good friend calling me "larger than life."] I don't know why, but I do feel this great urgency to make the most out of what I have, and to just go out there, and live life. 100 years, that's all we girls - at best. (guys, you're on your own there.) There are so many things out there to do - and I'm not talking about the lack of things to do in Singapore on a weekend (there is no cure for that particular malady.) Places to see, things to learn, mountains to climb (or at least admire from a view, since I'm not particularly athletic), people to meet, people to teach, people to help. It's all about people, for me at least, because I believe that's where God's heart is, and that's where I want to be also. It's an abstract concept for me now though; it's hard to believe that you want to help people when all they do is treat you like dirt and try to rip you off whenever they can. [Me in Vietnam, meeting these two Italian guys who were biking for a month - like, on BICYCLE - from Hanoi into China.] This job isn't a career. My fingers have never been on the pulse of the local classical scene - and I don't think it ever will be. I love the arts in Singapore, I quite like the stupid tension between the authorities and the (so-called) "artistes", and I like the way that things have been growing and going in recent years - I mean, come on! The Old Parliament House is now The Arts House! I like that I'm working and doing semi-arts administration, but where it's going to go after a while is anyone's guess, and God's decision. I also cannot envision being a worker drone. I don't want my weekends spoilt by working half a day on Saturday. I don't want to be stared at like I grew a third eye when I tell colleagues that I would like to backpack around New Zealand for 2 weeks, or go to the Philippines to build a house. I don't want to constantly feign that I'm so impressed and dying with envy with your new miu miu shoes, or prada bag. I also don't want to be told when and how many children I should have - only someone who has gone through hours of labour to birth me has that right. 100 years to live - and I've already used up 23 of those "growing up." What's it gonna be? [Dylan Thomas's Rage, Rage Against the Dying of the Light] Five for Fighting - 100 Years I'm 15 for a moment Caught in between 10 and 20 And I'm just dreaming Counting the ways to where you are I'm 22 for a moment She feels better than ever And we're on fire Making our way back from Mars 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to lose 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live I'm 33 for a moment Still the man, but you see I'm a they A kid on the way A family on my mind I'm 45 for a moment The sea is high And I'm heading into a crisis Chasing the years of my life 15 there's still time for you Time to buy, Time to lose yourself Within a morning star 15 I'm all right with you 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live Half time goes by Suddenly you're wise Another blink of an eye 67 is gone The sun is getting high We're moving on... I'm 99 for a moment Dying for just another moment And I'm just dreaming Counting the ways to where you are 15 there's still time for you 22 I feel her too 33 you're on your way Every day's a new day... 15 there's still time for you Time to buy and time to choose Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this When you only got 100 years to live [100 years - Five for Fighting] |
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