mercredi, septembre 22, 2004 KillMeNow #10 - Shoot me in the knees, stomp on my Achilles heel, grind my shins through the paper shredder... ... remove my insides and put them in the blender and grind till they're slush, and stomp in the rest of me in stiletto high-heels.I was forced to do something today by someone I considered a colleague/friend. I told her that I didn't want to do it, but she forced my hand, and things really turned ugly in the staff meeting today. Nothing physical, of course, just... I said some things which I wasn't prepared to say - some things have got to be mind-edited first. You don't say something, and when the boss asks "What exactly?" look at me and expect me to come up with a diplomatic answer immediately. That may be where I wanna be, but hey, cut me some slack, I've got to go get more education in diplomacy and tact first before I'll be able to truly handle situations like this without breaking a sweat. I'm angry at her for doing it, and angry at myself for not being able to keep things in perspective, and for not handling a bad situation well. I guess this is another one of those rough edges that God wants to sandpaper away, and that I need to make a mistake in before I learn. Perspective, perspective, perspective. I always thought betrayal was too strong a word to use on anything. I don't know if it's the word to describe the immense sense of disappointment that I now feel towards her. I feel so tired. Not sleepy-tired, but just... weary. I wish it would end soon. Increase in natural disasters; wars and rumours of wars... Matthew 24. Yay. Weary. [KillMeNow #10 - Shoot me in the knees, stomp on my Achilles heel, grind my shins through the paper shredder...] |
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