XXX 2: Ice Cube is... boring
Ice Cube is boring, but the rest of the movie is really good shoot-em-up, kill-em-all stuff, which is always good after an exam. Which you were almost late for. Anyway, moving on.
XXX2. Was. Fun. Not as fun as the original XXX, which I only watched after I caught XXX2, breaking my rule about watching sequels before the originals. After watching the original Vin Diesel XXX, I realised that I had missed quite a number of rather sly inside-jokes referencing the first movie. Case in point - in XXX, Vin Diesel is ... offered a woman when undercover. Obviously, the bastard smirks, and says, "The things I do for my country." Ice Cube is offered the same thing (somewhat), and then he says "The things I DON'T do for my country." I didn't get that when watching XXX2, but it made sense after XXX.
Plot-wise: the National Security Agency (NSA) needs a new super agent to find out who's behind some bombing or other (the movie started 5 minutes early!! UNHEARD OF!!!) and Samuel L. "Gibbons, like the monkey?" Jackson (aka Hideous Scarface, or Coach Carter, depending on which movie you liked), busts Ice Cube out of prison. At 12.06pm in the afternoon. (How are all their watches synchronised? Dialling 1771 like in Singapore to get the weather and time? I used to set my watch by the "Time, by Raymond Weil" thing before the 9pm news, until I realised that SBC's clock was kind of screwed up also.) Because the whole project's renegade, cos the NSA didn't want to spend no more money on no stinkin' filthy lowlife who will save their ass, the project's renegade, and Gibbons and gang are forced to rely on Ice's buddies from the 'hood.
Who's the villian? Why, it's none other than your friendly neighbourhood Spider-man Green Goblin, William Dafoe! You know, Sarah Chalke from Scrubs also makes an appearance as a TV anchorwoman delivering a news report on Samuel L. Jackson's apparent death, and - get this - Felicity's Benjamin Huffman, or rather, Scott Speedman is an NSA agent. Or CIA. I don't know anymore. The X-Files popularised the cross-dressing bureau the Federal Bureau of Investigations, then Ms Sydney Bristow made the Central Intelligence Agency cool, and now, it's probably the NSA's turn in the hollywood spotlight. Anyway, the point is, I was confused by too many personalities mushing together on screen. I half-expected Scott Speedman to cut his hair and talk angty-ly to a tape recorder, starting his sentences with "Dear Sally...". And William Hurt to bare his teeth and hiss evilly at someone. Or Sarah Chalke to... do something stupid. This movie screws with my entertainment personality categorizing system in my head. Now these people have to get their files copies and entered into the "movies" archive. Bummer.
Anyhow, the Green Goblin. He wants to kill the President of the United States, Secretary of State, and a couple of other key heads in the US government (who knows how they run?) so that he'll be next in line to the throne be the POTUS! So Ice tries to stop him. All the time while wearing nothing on his face but a frown. Ice Cube does NOT perform here. He doesn't. He can't, because all he can do is frown. I can frown - does that mean I'm the new XXX? Which I'm SURE WILL BE A GIRL BECAUSE OF ALL TE FEMINIST AND EQUALITY B.S. THAT'S ALWAYS FLYING AROUND. Structure, people. Eternally and always less upper body strength. Plus, you know, the whole having a womb thing. WOMEN CAN'T BE MEN. GET OVER IT. Except maybe Jennifer Garner. You can take her. She's scary. She's... Electra!
Maybe 2.39am in the morning is not such a good time to be typing this.
So they're all going off to see DC, the wonderful DC of Washington! State of the Union address is underway, lights go off, shooting happens, high speed car chase with a beautiful car which looks like another souped-up GTO, and... nothing. All's well that ends well, let's just say. I don't know, my evaluation of this movie (GREAT! Go watch!) could be impaired somewhat (or a lot) by the fact that my exams are over, so do temper your reading of this rather bizarre review with a dash of end-exams-hysteria. There's a dish by the door. Don't forget to wipe off your socks before going home.
[XXX 2: Ice Cube is... boring]
Sngs Alumni @ 1.5.05 { 0 comments }
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