samedi, juillet 01, 2006 Here's my two cents, penny for your thoughts, keep the change "I won't judge you."I think those are the four most important words that a friend could possibly say or demonstrate. A select group of friends and I have been through a bit of a roller-coaster ride these past few months, and we've had to make our own individual decisions without a clear guide on what's to come in the future. I've also personally made some unwise choices, but that has taught me that I need to grit my teeth, put my nose to the grindstone, crack my knuckles and really, really get over it and get on with it. Through it all, one of the most treasured things which someone had said to me after giving me advice was - choose your way. I won't judge you for it. People love to give advice - it's a fact of life. The motivations are mixed, of course, as with most human behaviour. Some people love to give advice because it makes them feel superior - "I have life experience, and so you should learn from me and heed my counsel." The other people are genuinely concerned for you, and want to offer you a solution. The trouble is, sometimes when you make a decision, they think it "incorrect", and therefore fold their arms, sit back and pout as you decide not to take the path that they have "selected" for you. Take my situation. I've spent the last year and a half in school. I'm leaning towards NOT returning, because the place is shit and far away, and the amount of crap that I've already endured with them is truly not worth any more of my time. Besides, I think I might want to take up another undergraduate degree with UNSW Asia when it gets more established (and when I earn enough money to go.) The trouble with my leaning towards this decision is that a lot of people think that I shouldn't let my last 1.5 years in school go to waste - I should continue, no matter how crappy I feel about the school and about continuing. When I share my thoughts on my future plans with them, they get affronted and do the "Oh well, you go do what you want lor" spiel, which really disappoints me because I really do expect more from someone whom I ask for advice from. To a degree, advice from friends should really just be that - advice. It may be strong advice, it may be musings on a situation, but that's what it is: advice. We're not asking you to make a decision for us, we're only asking you to help us work our way through this. After all, two heads are better than one. If anyone asks for your opinion, or what you think you should do, just give your opinion - and it can be a strong one - but don't judge*. It's the best gift you can give to anyone who's stuck in a confusing situation. The circumstances are complicated enough without adding "disappointing a friend" to the list. [* this argument does not stand for questions/problems which are obviously moronic, like "Should I shoplift or not?" In that case, your position as a good friend would be to tie the person who wants to shoplift onto his/her bed and feed him/her Ribena until they relent from the hare-brained enterprise.] [Here's my two cents, penny for your thoughts, keep the change] |
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